Absolutely Fucking Numb
Being sick makes you realise how your life revolves and rotates. It makes you objective in a way that no other period or solitude may. Its almost the same way that going on holiday makes your eyes open. However, on holidays your eyes look outwardly - in sickness there is nowhere to look but into your mind and your dreams and your pain.
What I have come to realise if that I've fallen into a rut of utter numbness and avoidance. I avoid my emotions, my brains and even my very happiness. I no longer yearn for anything because I have to come to believe that I all my desires are unyielding - but the biggest realisation of this all is that they are unyielding because of me. Because I don't pursue.
I'm definitely someone who procrastinates and feels unhappy - but I have no energy to fight and come out of that bubble of self pity. I am constantly making myself more and more numb. Whether it is with medication or with the hyper-content of our world. I feel lost.
I'm not saying I'm depressed. I'm sick and I'm hurting, emotionally and physically. And I don't want to be sick anymore. I just want to not be numb. - Feel free to give advice if you know me personally.
What I have come to realise if that I've fallen into a rut of utter numbness and avoidance. I avoid my emotions, my brains and even my very happiness. I no longer yearn for anything because I have to come to believe that I all my desires are unyielding - but the biggest realisation of this all is that they are unyielding because of me. Because I don't pursue.
I'm definitely someone who procrastinates and feels unhappy - but I have no energy to fight and come out of that bubble of self pity. I am constantly making myself more and more numb. Whether it is with medication or with the hyper-content of our world. I feel lost.
I'm not saying I'm depressed. I'm sick and I'm hurting, emotionally and physically. And I don't want to be sick anymore. I just want to not be numb. - Feel free to give advice if you know me personally.
