Talent - Skill?

As I sat there today, trying to hold onto the hope that I might just have been good, or at least good enough to be appreciated, it hit me - hard and slapped me in the face. Did it have to be so important? Not necesarily but it was. In the sense, that one competition wasn't defining or anything, but combine it with self doubt and boisterous amounts of surrounding talent and you have my condition.

Being mediocre isn't always a staure, but what if you are and can not deal with it? It could be a skill to be honed and developed but then what about those that were naturally better? Genetics or some other explanation? It hurt.

Not that I'd give up, but sitting here complaining in the only way I know how, and the only salvation I have, knowing still that this writing is the problem itself.

You watch these movies, of people consumed by their passions and nothing in the world mattering and you ask yourself what about me? And it sometimes seems that you've found it and you work towards improving it, but then you get knocked down so bad, knowing that you're nothing more than another Alfred Prufrock. 

Why am I not as good as I want to be? Yes, there's a difference between what you want to be and what you are, and yes, you spend your life striving to achieve, but what about now? When you're not there and not anyone?

It may seem like I'm begging for appreciation here, and perhaps I am, but it hurts, not being good in the eyes of others as you are in your surroundings. Appreciation might come with improvement and that might come with me working hard towards it, which it leads me to my most scary question. 

Is it skill or talent? 

And how am I? Just another purple boy in a space of more that 50000 people supposed to be any good? Or any better? It'd hurt and murder to be mediocre.